The Short Bus In The Sky!
See this guy, yeah that’s about what I think of you when I am traveling by air. Yes I think a majority, if not all, of my fellow travelers are complete retards. Yeah I said it, retards, not special, not someone with a varying exceptionality, just plain and simple retards.
If it’s not from their jumping up and down tantrums and fits they throw whenever there is a delay, it’s from just the odd behavior they exhibit. I mean for Christ’s sake, what other form of public transportation do you know of that requires everyone to wear a seatbelt? Yep, you guessed it, the short bus! Let us take a moment to review these retards in all of their glory.
The pissed off retard. These ones are my favorites. The plane is delayed by a few minutes or perhaps an hour. Well by golly these retards are instantly up in arms! They jump up from their seats and rush the poor sap who is manning the ticket counter. Foaming at the mouth they demand immediate compensation for their tragic loss of 45 minutes or so of good ole’ masturbation time. Some of them don’t even bother to get up, the sit lodged in their comfortable airport chair complaining loudly about how this always happens and its all just part of a plot carried out by the airlines to slowly kill us all from boredom. Well I have two simple answers for these retards. First, if you travel by air you need to expect delays, it’s the nature of the system. You need to plan accordingly. If you are going on a cruise arrive at your departure port a day ahead of time, this allows for plenty of time in case of a delay. Also take something to keep yourself entertained. An IPOD, a PSP or Game boy, a book, a travel chess set, a mobile phone, and a laptop with wireless access to do work or play games. Yeah that’s right sales-monkey retard; you can work right from the airport, make calls on your mobile, and work on your laptop via the wireless internet offered in almost every airport. For you retards yelling about how this happens all the time, the same rules apply, plan for it. If you plan ahead a delay can be taken in stride, and always remember this credo “If you are important enough, people will wait.”
The lost retard. These ones are fun to watch as well. These are the people who stayed at home until 30 something, or still live in their mom’s basement. Well little Billy decides he wants to meet up with that girl he has been chatting online with for a couple of years. He is ready to take his ‘relationship’ to the next level, so he books himself on a flight to fabulous Grand Forks, North Dakota. First thing you notice these people doing is staring aimlessly at all the signs with the big arrows. Next they ask everyone where gate 7 is, because those giant arrows just are too confusing. Once on the plane they can’t figure out the seatbelt, and require help from the flight staff. If they have a connecting flight it gets even better, perhaps a story for another time.
All in all, take you time, enjoy yourself and watch the madness unfold.