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Need a job? Al Qaeda is looking!

DUBAI (Reuters) - Al Qaeda has put job advertisements on the Internet asking for supporters to help put together its Web statements and video montages, an Arabic newspaper reported.

The London-based Asharq al-Awsat said on its Web site this week that al Qaeda had “vacant positions” for video production and editing statements, footage and international media coverage about militants in Iraq, the Palestinian territories, Chechnya and other conflict zones where militants are active.

The paper said the Global Islamic Media Front, an al Qaeda-linked Web-based organization, would “follow up with members interested in joining and contact them via email.”

The paper did not say how applicants should contact the Global Islamic Media Front.

Al Qaeda supporters widely use the Internet to spread the group’s statements through dozens of Islamist sites where anyone can post messages. Al Qaeda-linked groups also set up their own sites, which frequently have to move after being shut by Internet service providers.

The advertisements, however, could not be found on mainstream Islamist Web sites where al Qaeda and other affiliate groups post their statements.

Asharq al-Awsat said the advert did not specify salary amounts, but added: “Every Muslim knows his life is not his, since it belongs to this violated Islamic nation whose blood is being spilled. Nothing should take precedence over this.”

The Front this week issued the second broadcast of a weekly Web news program called Voice of the Caliphate, which it says aims to combat anti-Qaeda “lies and propaganda” on major global and Arab television channels such as CNN and Al Jazeera.

Last month it issued an English-language video on the Internet called Jihad Hidden Camera which showed sniping and bombing attacks against U.S. forces in Iraq, and carried comical sound effects as well as laugh tracks.

Al Qaeda and other groups have increasingly turned to the Internet to win young Muslims over to their war against Western-backed governments in Arab and Muslim countries.

Islamist insurgents fighting U.S. forces and the U.S.-backed government in Iraq have often posted slick montages of their military activities, including beheadings of hostages, on the Internet.

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A laser comes out of the Pope’s head to shoot down the dove that is giving him problems.

GREEN DAY LYRICS

“American Idiot”

Don’t wanna be an American idiot.
Don’t want a nation under the new mania.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn’t meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We’re not the ones who’re meant to follow.
For that’s enough to argue.

Well maybe I’m the faggot America.
I’m not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn’t meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We’re not the ones who’re meant to follow.
For that’s enough to argue.

Don’t wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It’s calling out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn’t meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We’re not the ones who’re meant to follow.
For that’s enough to argue.

The people of Belgium have been left reeling by the first adult-only episode of the Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters’ village is annihilated by warplanes.
…
The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

Tiny Smurfs scatter and run in vain from the whistling bombs, before being felled by blast waves and fiery explosions. The final scene shows a scorched and tattered Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably, surrounded by prone Smurfs.

The final frame bears the message: “Don’t let war affect the lives of children.” Hope they had insurance… smurfsurance?

Read the full article.

EDIT: I found a much better video here: End of the Smurfs.

And finally, a cat eating a smurf:

See this guy, yeah that’s about what I think of you when I am traveling by air. Yes I think a majority, if not all, of my fellow travelers are complete retards. Yeah I said it, retards, not special, not someone with a varying exceptionality, just plain and simple retards.

If it’s not from their jumping up and down tantrums and fits they throw whenever there is a delay, it’s from just the odd behavior they exhibit. I mean for Christ’s sake, what other form of public transportation do you know of that requires everyone to wear a seatbelt? Yep, you guessed it, the short bus! Let us take a moment to review these retards in all of their glory.

The pissed off retard. These ones are my favorites. The plane is delayed by a few minutes or perhaps an hour. Well by golly these retards are instantly up in arms! They jump up from their seats and rush the poor sap who is manning the ticket counter. Foaming at the mouth they demand immediate compensation for their tragic loss of 45 minutes or so of good ole’ masturbation time. Some of them don’t even bother to get up, the sit lodged in their comfortable airport chair complaining loudly about how this always happens and its all just part of a plot carried out by the airlines to slowly kill us all from boredom. Well I have two simple answers for these retards. First, if you travel by air you need to expect delays, it’s the nature of the system. You need to plan accordingly. If you are going on a cruise arrive at your departure port a day ahead of time, this allows for plenty of time in case of a delay. Also take something to keep yourself entertained. An IPOD, a PSP or Game boy, a book, a travel chess set, a mobile phone, and a laptop with wireless access to do work or play games. Yeah that’s right sales-monkey retard; you can work right from the airport, make calls on your mobile, and work on your laptop via the wireless internet offered in almost every airport. For you retards yelling about how this happens all the time, the same rules apply, plan for it. If you plan ahead a delay can be taken in stride, and always remember this credo “If you are important enough, people will wait.”

The lost retard. These ones are fun to watch as well. These are the people who stayed at home until 30 something, or still live in their mom’s basement. Well little Billy decides he wants to meet up with that girl he has been chatting online with for a couple of years. He is ready to take his ‘relationship’ to the next level, so he books himself on a flight to fabulous Grand Forks, North Dakota. First thing you notice these people doing is staring aimlessly at all the signs with the big arrows. Next they ask everyone where gate 7 is, because those giant arrows just are too confusing. Once on the plane they can’t figure out the seatbelt, and require help from the flight staff. If they have a connecting flight it gets even better, perhaps a story for another time.

All in all, take you time, enjoy yourself and watch the madness unfold.

You know what pisses me off? When people mess up the words its and it’s.

You know what really pisses me off? When this mistake is made on something that a lot of people see. Restaurant menus, posters, websites, billboards… what is going on America? It’s not that hard!

Here is a grammar lesson for those of you still messing it up:

It’s is a contraction for it is or it has.

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it.

There is no such word as its’, dummy.

Still not sure? Go get help. You’re retarded. Or test it:
If you can replace it[’]s in your sentence with it is or it has, then your word is it’s; otherwise, your word is its.

Examples:

It’s been my pleasure to educate your dumb ass. Contraction: it has

It’s fucking annoying when people mess up contractions! Contraction: it is

The retard howled when it got its arm slammed in the door. Possessive pronoun: its arm = the retard’s arm

Just got back from seeing it — not bad at all. I heard “Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and immediately rolled my eyes and expected it to be retarded, but it was actually pretty good. Aside from a few awkward bits of dialogue (oh look we’re talking old-timey-Western in space doesn’t it add to the ATMOSPHERE and then River collapsing into some weird language for no reason) it was one of the better, maybe one of the best, space movies I’ve seen.